Every kind of loss has to do with change, the mere thought of which usually stirs up a host of emotions, particularly fear. Even positive change is unsettling; we aren't sure exactly what will happen to us and how we will be affected.

The loss of a job may mean we have to make a number of alterations in our lives, which is why it can be so frightening. When we don't deal with our anxiety, it can immobilize us. We become so overwhelmed emotionally that we are unable to think rationally and use our inner resources to get us to the next place.

Some of us can't overcome our fears because we can't admit to ourselves or to anyone else that we have them. Perhaps we were taught long ago that to be afraid meant we were weak, that to be frightened is failure in itself. So we find any number of ways to deny and avoid our feelings.

The only way you can get past your fears is actually to look them straight in the eye and go through them. There are no shortcuts. Here are some ways you can deal with the fears you may be experiencing as a result of losing your job:

• Tell yourself it is okay to be afraid. Fear is a natural human emotion. It was given to us as a way of protecting ourselves.

• Identify your fears. When we name them, they lose some of their power. Otherwise they are like evil spirits hovering over us, convincing us that disaster is on the way.

• Verbalize your fear to other people whom you trust.

• When you become debilitated by fear, reduce it to a manageable size by writing down what you are afraid of. Write yourself a positive message in response.

• For each fear, determine the likelihood that it will come true. It's been said that fear stands for "false events appearing real".

• Beside each concern, write down the action steps you plan to take to ensure that it doesn't become a reality. Fear is the absence of a plan; action is one of the best antidotes.

• If you are absolutely terrified over the loss of your job, ask yourself why. In some cases the problem may have more to do with your feelings of low self-esteem than anything else.

• Write down the opportunities that you think may be available to you as a result of your loss.

• Make a list of your values. Then look at your list of fears. Perhaps some of your fears will dissipate if you adjust your values.

When we lose our jobs, we perhaps experience more than just the loss of gainful employment. We may lose our sense of self-esteem, our financial security, our goals and dreams, and more. So being "let go" is no small event when it happens to us. Regardless of how much we rationalize and minimize our loss by telling ourselves that others have it much worse, it still hurts.

When we grieve, it affects our entire being – body, mind, spirit, and emotions. How we do our "grieve work" is learned at a young age. If we've never learned to grieve in a healthy way, our losses will be all the more painful, and we will feel the effects for longer periods of time. We can, however, learn to grieve in ways that bring healing.

The natural grieving process varies in duration depending on the degree to which our self-worth was defined through the lost job. If, for example, we looked to our work to provide us with our identity, sense of purpose, and self-esteem, it may take us longer to get over the loss than it would for someone whose life isn't built around work.

There is a purpose in our grieving. Contrary to what some may think, it is not to wallow in self-pity; t is to help us to accept fully the loss. Without acceptance we stay stuck in the past. If we do not allow ourselves to grieve, we may experience the physical, emotional and behavioral symptom longer than necessary. Unfinished grief work can cause more loss; it can affect our relationships with other people and cause us to miss out on valuable opportunities.